My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
