Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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