I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
