I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
