I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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