he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
