nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
