Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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