I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
