he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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