dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Randomize
