You're a womanizer and a bitch.
no, he came in my armpit
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
