Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
