I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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