so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
