tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
