please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
