Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
