oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.