ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.