There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯