I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
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im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him