If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal