I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What changed your mind?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.