I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.