dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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