He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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