Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
