shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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