i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
