I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
