omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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