I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
