He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
