this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
