I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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