Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
