That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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