I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
