I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
