look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
