My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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