Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
