My nipple is on Facebook.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
