@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The air was thick with penises
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
