So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
