I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
