She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
