i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
