6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
