And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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