Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
