So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
NoShamevember. You game?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
