I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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