I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
