I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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