Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
