I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
