My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
