I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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