dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
