Don't make out with my wife yet
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
