I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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