My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found puke in my bra..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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