You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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