If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
