It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
