My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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