She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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