i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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