Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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