I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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