I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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