Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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