I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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