Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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