he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
