I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
