i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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