my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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